


Guilt

by xDestinyIsCallingx



Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Guilt, Internal Conflict, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28790109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDestinyIsCallingx/pseuds/xDestinyIsCallingx
Summary: Hawk struggles with himself after what he did to Demetri at the arcade
Relationships: Demetri & Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz, Demetri/Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51





	Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something I wrote at 2am whilst I was in my feelings about these two.

Hawk shot up in bed, sweat beading on his forehead. He tried to control his rapid breathing as the screams from his dream still echoed in his head. His stomach began to churn again at the image of Demetri on the floor, clutching his arm that he'd broken. Him, Hawk, he'd done that to- to someone he'd at one point called his best friend, his only friend.

He couldn't even completely blame it on peer pressure, something flared inside of him whenever he looked at Demetri, an anger he couldn't explain or control, but a fog had seemed to clear when he'd hurt him to such an extreme extent- he'd hurt others, gone too far before but there'd been some justification, to him, to some extent, but Demetri... that had been wrong... he wasn't an enemy... and now he was in a hospital... because of him, he'd been in so much pain and he'd done that and left him there.

He wiped the sweat from his face. What had he done? And what the hell was he becoming? He tightened his hands into fists and pressed them against his eyes, he was just so angry. His eyes burned, a lump forming in his throat. He wouldn't cry, that was weakness, but he was alone right now and so confused. The sound of bone breaking echoed in his ears and it made him feel sick. He threw his cover off and hastily pulled on jeans and a hoodie and listened out for his mum to make sure she was asleep before sneaking out.

He wasn't really sure where he going to go at first, just needed to get out of the house, clear his head, get himself straight, but no matter how far he walked the oppressing guilt wouldn't lessen. And so that's how he'd found himself outside the hospital. Demetri didn't like hospitals, he'd had to stay in one once when he was younger and it had given him a life long aversion, not that anyone liked hospitals but considering Demetri was a little more uptight than others it was safe to say he had more of a dislike than others. He probably would have to stay for at least a couple of days to get x-rays, have the bone set and then to get a cast made. He was probably in a hospital bed right now, Hawk couldn't imagine he was asleep, probably too busy complaining about something, but what if they'd put him under sedation because of the pain? What if he'd done more damage than he realised? 

Hawk wrinkled his nose, his lip curling. What was he being so concerned for? Demetri was probably fine. And anyway he'd had the chance for them to still be friends. He could have been Cobra Kai if he wasn't so pathetic, he'd rather have people walk all over him than get a little respect, have people fear you and regret ever making you feel like a loser, like you were nothing. Well, Demetri might be happy to live like that, but he couldn't do that, not when every day felt like even breathing was pointless. What had Demetri done anyway but bring him down, keep him at his level, to what? Make him feel better about being a loser? To have someone around that was more of a freak to lessen the focus on him? 

But... did he really believe that? And if he did why did he feel like this? Like he'd hurt himself just as much as he'd hurt Demetri, like he'd broken something less visible than an arm.

Hawk gritted his teeth. What was the matter with him? He felt out of control, he was filled with conflicting feelings and his head was filled with voices that only confused him more. Kreese's and his fellow Cobra Kai's were among them telling him what he'd done was necessary, that if Demetri wasn't with him then he deserved what he got, but the sound of Demetri's cry of pain didn't feel triumphant, there was no pride or glory in seeing tears slip down his face or the feeling that he'd finally severed whatever tangible threads were left of his and Demetri's friendship.

A tear of his own escaped, he let it fall, he was a bit too tired to keep his emotions in check right now, and shame was hardly a new feeling to him, he was pretty sure though that this time he deserved it.

He looked up at the building, he wouldn't go in, even if he thought Demetri would see him. He wiped away that one single tear, he was tired, he'd resolved that he wouldn't cry again, wouldn't let anyone get to him like that again, wouldn't show that kind of weakness for anybody. He supposed he hadn't taken into account himself being included as anyone.

With one last look back at the hospital he set his walls firmly back in place, pushed any feeling that didn't feel good or that made his stomach uneasy or chest hurt down until he felt like he could breathe again, and headed back home without looking back


End file.
